*******
Walmart. Hmm, interesting name for
a muggle store. I slowly walked inside while curiously looking around
inspecting the unfamiliar territory. Muggles are so strange; their stores are
so bright and…boring. Every product is lined up perfectly, matching and
correlating to each other in a neat and organized fashion. Where’s the crazy
moving stuffed animals? The floating candy? Being a muggle must suck. What a
monotonous life without magic.
As I stood
near the front door inside, I scanned the area for trolleys to put my supplies.
I couldn’t find anything except these strange large baskets labeled “carts”
above their storage space. I guess this will have to do.
I began to
walk through the aisles, analyzing the different types of food they had to
offer. They had a lot of similar foods to the wizarding world, which actually
surprised me. Bread, cookies, eggs, the basics. It was disappointing that they
didn’t have any pumpkin juice or gillywater, which is one necessity I was
looking for in this odd supermarket, but I settled for simple orange juice
anyway. At least they still had that.
I moved
over to the cleaning supplies, curious to see what kind of tools muggles used
since they didn’t have magic to do their chores for them. It was a depressing
and hopeless sight: dusters that required manual labor, these suction machines
they called “vacuums” used to clean the dirt on the floor, and mops that didn’t
create soap and water on their own. One product made me freeze and take a
closer look. It was called “Oxiclean.” Apparently this powder-soap type
substance removes stains from clothes “like magic!”
“HAH!” I
guffawed.
A woman curiously turned to look at
me with a puzzled expression on her face, “Excuse me, but may I ask, what’s so
funny?”
“Oh, um…” I stumbled for a second
trying to think of a convincing story that could be understood by a muggle.
“I’ve just…used this brand before, and it never worked as well as the label
said.”
She looked at the tub of Oxiclean I
pointed to through her spectacles, “Ah yes. That cleaning product is so
overrated. Never fully gets my stains out.”
“I know, right?” I agreed as she
walked away. As soon as she was out of sight I grabbed the bucket of “magic
soap” and put it in my cart. I wanted to see this for myself.
As I sauntered down more walkways,
I remembered my daughter Stella’s birthday was approaching. For some reason,
buying a muggle toy from a muggle store seemed like an intriguing present for
my little girl. I made my way through the clothes (which were absolutely
appalling, might I say) and stopped in the toy section. The area filled with
girl playthings made my stomach churn; everything was pink. I gingerly
inched nearer to the toys and began to search for something Stella might enjoy.
What do six-year-old muggle girls enjoy? Probably not the same as a witch,
though Stella doesn’t really know how use magic right now, so she should be
fine. I thought about the guys and if they saw me right now: a death eater,
walking in a muggle store, searching for a birthday gift for his daughter, in
an all pink doll-infested aisle way. How embarrassing.
I finally found a giant doll head
used for brushing and doing hair. I could easily betwitch it to make it more
interesting and colorful. Sneakily, I slowly reached for the box and put it in
my cart. Hopefully no one noticed.
These three items seemed to fulfill
my quota, so I began to make my way to the cash register. Halfway there, I
noticed a spooky section near the home decorations. Above it there was a banner
that said “Halloween.” Now this should be interesting.
The shelves were surprisingly filled
with some of the standard decorations such as pumpkins, bats, and the like. Of
course, they were boring decorations that didn’t convincingly move or do
anything except maybe light up on their own or make robotic jerky motions and
pathetic fake shrieks for two seconds. The most interesting part was the
costumes. Apparently muggle children enjoyed dressing like muggle celebrities,
fake characters from books, fairies, vampires…then I came across the most
hilarious of them all: wizards. Most of them had tall pointy blue hats, thick
beards, and long cloaks. They looked like a comical version of Professor
Dumbledore. I had to take one of them home and show the guys, they would find
this absolutely hysterical. Just for kicks, I went back to the cleaning section
and grabbed a broom. This should really knock their socks off.
Muggles. Such simple, ignorant,
entertaining people.
